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don't be deceived

Don’t Be Deceived

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God’s will, they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God’s creatures, […]

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Know Your Destination

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]

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Hooked on History

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me […]

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Rest on Your Laurels

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much […]

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Crazy Hard

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, […]

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In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will look up from their phone and simply speak English. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation […]

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The Greatest Invention

Three engineers are having a discussion on the greatest invention of all time. The first, an engineer from MIT, says “The greatest invention was fire. Fire led to the development of the engine, which led to the industrial revolution, which brought about the modern age.” The second, an engineer from Stanford, says, “While fire certainly […]

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Gone Fishing

A game warden catches an unlicensed fisherman in the act. “Looks like you are over the limit buddy.” “You’re going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket.” Fisherman:  But, Officer, I didn’t catch these — they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they’re […]

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A Turtle’s Patience

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away and it will take them 10 days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s exhausted and very hungry. Joe […]

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Action is Cheaper than Planning

Eddie and his wife June are shopping in their local supermarket.  The husband picks up a case of Heineken and puts it in their cart. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks June. ‘They’re on sale, only $15 for 24 cans Eddie replies. ‘Put them back, we can’t afford them’ demands the wife, and so […]

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