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Need Directions?

A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.  As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.  He put the […]

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What You Don’t Know About Fertilizer

In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship.  And because commercial fertilizer had not been invented, large shipments of manure were commonly found on ships. It was shipped dry, because obviously in dry form it weighed a lot less then when wet, but once at sea the moisture in the […]

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Lost the Magic

A group of three friends are on the Eiffel Tower.  Suddenly one of them suggests a crazy idea — “Let’s throw our watches off the side of the tower and try to catch them at the bottom! Whoever manages to do it first gets $100 from each of the other two of us!” The first […]

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don't be deceived

Don’t Be Deceived

Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God’s will, they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God’s creatures, […]

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Know Your Destination

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]

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Hooked on History

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me […]

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Rest on Your Laurels

Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much […]

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Crazy Hard

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient #1 what he was doing. The patient replied, […]

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In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will look up from their phone and simply speak English. In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation […]

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The Greatest Invention

Three engineers are having a discussion on the greatest invention of all time. The first, an engineer from MIT, says “The greatest invention was fire. Fire led to the development of the engine, which led to the industrial revolution, which brought about the modern age.” The second, an engineer from Stanford, says, “While fire certainly […]

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